Respecting Your Husband

This post has been written for healthy Christian marriages. If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek proper help.

Respect your husband. Submit to your husband. These types of statements always seem to ruffle some feathers. Ya know, get folks’ knickers in a twist. Over the course of the years these statements have become radical. However, they are very basic biblical principles. 

A Design

Even Christian women feel squirmy when they hear someone say these things. For some reason these principles have become synonymous with equality. The Word of God never tells us that women are of lesser value than men. It is very clear that our roles are different. He created both of us with a specific design. First Corinthians 14:33 tells us God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. In order to have peace, there has to be… well… order. If no one knows what their job is and everyone is out to fend for themselves and guess at what it is to be done, chaos would ensue. Within a business, each person has a title and specific tasks assigned to them. Without managers, supervisors, CEO’s, there would be no direction. Each person would do whatever they wanted and, most likely, whatever benefited themselves. 

In a marriage, both parties must work together in the roles assigned to them for the betterment of the marriage itself. Our sin nature always pulls us toward ourselves: our feelings, our desires, our hurts, our trauma, our healing, our needs. It is a daily cross to bear to sacrifice all of those things of self for the needs, feelings, desires of another. Many people talk about the sacrifice of motherhood, and it is a great one indeed; however, we should have been practicing sacrifice within our marriage before the children ever came along. (Please note: This is not to say that your needs do not matter. God is not asking you to be a door mat. He sacrificed His Son for you. Your worth is in Him.)

Who are we to say that we cannot sacrifice for our marriage? “For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45)

So, what does it mean to submit to your husband? God has called him to lead your family, your marriage. This does not mean that you have no say; nor does it mean you are a soldier just obeying orders. Marriage is a team sport. You work together. He is the captain. He holds the responsibility. He listens to you, he asks your opinion, you do it together, but he leads. 

A Ruby

Women tend to have a very managerial mindset. I believe this is by design. We, as Christian women, are called to manage our homes (1 Timothy 5:14, Proverbs 31, Titus 2) and managing a home involves many different things. However, I also believe that we get so busy managing our home and it’s details and our children and their details and our lives and it’s details that we sometimes throw our husband into the pot out of habit. Our husbands do not need to be managed as children. The ‘comedic’ comments about husbands being another child to be raised is not respectful or God-honoring. God created you to be his help meet (Genesis 2:18). Your opinion and your words mean more to your husband than anyone else’s. The heart of your husband should trust in you. You are called to do him good and not evil all the days of your life (Proverbs 31:11-12). 

(Love Proverbs and want to pray specifically for your husband? Start here!)

Practically speaking, submission looks like honoring. Honoring his wishes. Honoring his leadership. Not undermining his authority. Discussing issues in private rather than with a crowd, family members, friend groups, coworkers, or the children. Honoring him in public. Only speaking good of him. Never, ever saying negative things about him to other people. Never speaking down to him in front of others. Never saying things to embarrass him in front of others. Honoring him by not interrupting him when he is speaking - when it’s just the two of you and when in a group of people. Honoring him by asking his opinion on matters of the home. It’s his too. 

A Change

Maybe your desire is to change the trajectory of your marriage, break the cycle of defeat, walk closer to the Father, live in His good and perfect design. But, how? Each marriage, person, and situation is different, but God’s Word is the same for all of us. Implementing these biblical foundations in your marriage will bless you… and generations to come. 

Might I suggest prayer as your next step of obedience. Tell the Father all that you struggle with. Ask Him to change your heart toward your husband. Ask Him to show you how He sees your husband. Sometimes when we are in the middle of something deeply personal or deeply troubling, we can’t seem to find the words to express our pain or our desires. Romans 8:26 tells us: “… the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” Hebrews 4:12 says: “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” Use this ebook to begin your journey of praying intimately for your husband. It uses scripture to pray over your husband using multiple topics of concern in his life. It will draw you closer to the heart of the Father and it will soften your heart toward your husband all while strengthening your marriage. 

Want to start praying for your husband? Start here.

Check out my blog post on “Praying for Your Husband”